It Wasn’t Just Me — It Was PMDD

For most of my life, I thought I was broken. There were days — though I didn’t realise it at the time — that always seemed to come just before my period, when I felt like I was spiralling out of control. I would go from 0 to 100 emotionally — rage, sadness, anxiety, confusion — often all at once. The smallest thing would set me off.

My husband, who’s stood by me for 11 years, copped the worst of it. Even before we got married, he told me he saw behaviours that made him question whether we’d last. I couldn’t even blame him — because I didn’t understand myself either.

I didn’t have an easy start in life. My mum, who I love dearly, struggled with alcohol when she was pregnant with me. I was born into dysfunction, surrounded by violence and abuse. By my teens and early 20s, I was in a spiral — drugs, gangs, toxic relationships, arrests. I still remember the day a judge called me a horrible person. I broke down and said, “I’m not a bad person. I don’t mean to do these things.”

That was the truth. Even when I was angry, reckless, or acting out… I never wanted to be that way.

From 14 to 24, I worked and studied. I got into social work. I began to discover who I was as an Indigenous woman and a Christian. That spiritual and cultural grounding helped shape the next 20 years of my life.

I became a mum. A wife. I built a life that didn’t reflect where I came from. I practiced self-care, therapy, journaling, prayer, exercise, eating well. I strived for emotional stability.

But no matter how much work I did…
No matter how balanced my life became…
Something still came for me every month — and it took me out.

Each month, I would hit a low so deep it didn’t make sense. Some months, I couldn’t control my outbursts. I was reactive, sensitive, irrational. I needed love and attention — but didn’t know how to ask for it. So instead, I’d lash out. I became negative or overly emotional — the complete opposite of how I wanted to live.

The lack of understanding — from me, from others — made things worse.
I’d spiral into emotional situations I couldn’t pull myself out of.
I self-harmed in silence, just to release the pressure.
Once, while pregnant, I reached a point so dark, I thought about ending it all.

And still, no one could tell me why.

Eventually, my husband and I started digging. And then… I found the name:

PMDD — Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.

PMDD is not “just PMS.”
It’s a severe, hormone-based mood disorder.
It causes extreme shifts in mood, energy, and emotional control — usually in the 1–2 weeks before your period (the luteal phase).

According to research, about 5–8% of women experience PMDD, though many go undiagnosed for years. The symptoms mimic depression or anxiety, and are often dismissed as being “too emotional” or “dramatic.”

Common symptoms include: